he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
