He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
