We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
