You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
