? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
