Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
