in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
