Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
