My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
