Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
