he wants to bone in the snuggie
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
