shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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