1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
