You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
