Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
