i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
