found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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