When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
