I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
