it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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