I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
