can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
