textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
