Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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