what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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