Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
