she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
