Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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