I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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