I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
