That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
