I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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