your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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