Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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