I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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