Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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