He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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