I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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