Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
