o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
