Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
