Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
