I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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