The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
