On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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