I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
