So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think your dad took our porno
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
