I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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