i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
