please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
